Well lately I’ve had the feeling of being on the outside looking in. I seem to have plenty of friends but I still feel like an outsider. I've been feeling lost and alone.
Last night I decided to skip my Hope and Opportunity Meeting and Leadership training. Instead I thought I would go for some coffee and crochet for a bit. While deciding where to go I thought I could invite some one to join me, but I couldn’t think of anyone to call. I’m still looking for that one great friendship where you can call and talk about just anything, or invite out to coffee on a whim.
While at it I thought about my home life. My house is a disaster. I try to clean but when I do get it clean, the rest of the family can’t seem to help keep it that way. Just when I do start to get a hold of some space, something happens like a bday or renovations. And everything in the area to be used gets put in my clean space, only for me to try and decipher where to put it, later. At times I just want to up and leave and hope when I get back that it will all be fixed. I know this won’t happen unless I do it myself. I feel I need someone to help me (I get distracted easily). Keep me on task, help me to decide if that is something I need or want badly.
I’m in desperate need of a vacation but don’t have the $’s to do so. I just want a weekend at least where I can decide what to do and not have any demands on me. If I want to sleep in then ok, if I want to knit or crochet all day that is fine. If I want to have a movie marathon then that is fine too. If I could get some uninterrupted time to clean out a room or two and start over that would be fantastic. But it doesn’t seem to be happening. Hubby might take the kids for a little bit but they are back soon, and demanding my attention.
Well this next week doesn’t seem to be getting any less busy for me. Got 2 birthdays to deal with, Halloween, and a big bday party for the two said bdays, and a Dr’s appt. Lots of me cleaning and no help in keeping it that way.
Thanks for reading.
3 comments:
I hear ya, Donna. My house is always the first thing to suffer the second I am busy. And I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum where I have people making demands on my time both in AND out of the home, which is just as lonely. I think it has something to do with never getting a chance to be 'alone' like you said, where you get to just decide what you're going to do, and then do it. If I could have the time and space to find *my* centre (even if that centre was at the bottom of an ampty laundry basket, if such a thing even exists lol) I bet the rest of the world wouldn't seem nearly as out of control.
Nothing new to blog about? Slacker!
Stopped by to say hi is all..
I've been in your shoes too. I'm embarrassed to let anyone come over and see my house. Disaster doesn't begin to describe it.
As for feeling lost and alone...I think we've all had days like that. I feel that way because I feel like a social reject and I lack self confidence.
I'm sorry I haven't been able to get out more often to see you. Hopefully soon we'll schedule a playdate and the kids can go hog wild.
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